Online dating hes not that into you Banks. first love
I recently emailed Karen and asked her to allow me to give you a few tips on how to tell if a guy is or isn’t into you. I decided to write this article because I have run into a bit of a challenge in my dating life:
I would meet a girl, go out on a date or two with her, then suddenly realize that I was not interested in dating her anymore. Being that I am a guy…it was kind of hard to tell her that “Hey look, it’s just not working out for me, you’re a swell gal and will make some lucky fellow very happy”. I would try to drop little hints here and there, and for most girls that would be enough. With other girls….I don’t think I could give them a clue even if I were to rub them down with horny-clue-musk, put them in a field full of horny clues in the middle of clue mating season.
So to save me an countless other guys out there the headache and heartache of having to spell it out in plain English for you….here are 10 signs that a guy just isn’t into you.
1. Missed Connection
Think back to the last guy you dated for more than a few weeks. Did you find yourself talking to him on the phone much? Send more than a few text messages back and forth during the daytime? How quickly were your attempts at getting a hold of him reciprocated? Chances are he answered your texts or phone calls within a few minutes of you calling or texting, or at least freely gave you a reason as to why it took him a while to get back to you. When I’m not into a girl, my cell phone mysteriously does not get text messages from her and her phone calls tend to go straight to voice mail. Emails? Whoopsie, that stupid spam folder is acting up again.
2. Busy as a Beaver
“Gee Susie, I would love to hang out with you and your drunken slutty friends at the local bar tonight…..but I have been meaning to re-arrange my sock drawer now for ages. My socks have invaded the homeland of my underwear and my cowboy hat (you know, the real small one with certain “size issues”) has decided that my socks harbor weapons of mass destruction and are about to invade the drawer up on top. As you can see it’s a real Wild Wild West scenario going on here…
What am I doing tomorrow night? Uhhh…Need to go help Grandma dust her living room.”
In all seriousness, whenever I’m fed up with a girl I just met, I suddenly become super busy. I think 2-3 moves ahead so if she calls me out on anything, I always have a logical explanation as to why I’m busy. I would assume most guys out there are like that as well.
3. Me, Me, Me.
Whenever I’m just not feeling a girl, I tend to mentally check out. Like quicker than leaving a Best Western motel that smells like stale hookers and dead cockroaches. When I’m mentally checked out of the conversation/relationship, my thoughts and actions naturally turn to the most important thing in life: Me.
If she starts talking to me, I subconsciously steer the topic of conversation towards me. I quit trying to learn more about her and instead use her as a crutch for all of my issues/problems. Can’t beat free psychiatry while downing a pint or two at the local bar.
4. How YOU doin’ ?
If we are out in public and you notice me checking out other females….you can think to yourself one of two things:
1. “He’s a no good dog of a man.”
2. “Hrmm….Let’s see here….he is out on a date with me, but he is checking out other women. By George, I think I’ve got it ! He’s not into me !”
Oh how I wish #2 was the answer that was chosen more often.
5. Why can’t we be friends! Why can’t we be friends? Why can’t we be friends ??!!! @*#*$!!!
You know who you remind me of? My sister. I think you two would get along juuuust great. You sure are a swell friend. Knock, knock. Who’s there? (in a whispered voice: “your best friend”).
7. My own private strip club.
True story: (names and dates have been changed to protect my neck and legs, of which I have grown fondly attached to. Honestly, I think she was partially related to the mob and the last thing I want is for her to read this, get pissed and put a hit out on me).
So I was dating this chick who grew up in Antarctica. I liked her as a friend, but was having a very hard time getting her to understand that “friends” is the level where it needed to stay. So we decided to go on a nature hike one day…she wore a low cut shirt and some short shorts that day and the entire time she was brushing up against me. Even though I’m a guy, and even though most guys like me are clueless…I think it was a safe bet that she was trying to come onto me. So as we are finishing up our hike on our way back to the car she made the following random comment:
“My bra that I just bought is making my boobs pop out of my shirt”.
to which I replied (without skipping a beat):
“Did you save the receipt?”
8. You love me? I blehblahblah you too…
You see, it’s not that I’m incapable of expressing my emotions as a guy, but rather I am incapable of expressing emotions towards a girl that I’m not into. I tend to keep an active emotional distance from women that I’m not into and if you so much as dip your pinky toe over that line….it creates for a somewhat awkward situation.
9. Any Port in a Storm.
I will admit it. I have sometimes just stayed with a girl longer than I wanted to because the sex was so great (or I was in a real dry spell). A good way to tell that if a guy isn’t into you is to look at how often he wants sex and what happens after the sex. If he only calls you at 3am on a Friday night, drunk off his ass….and then leaves 20 minutes later, chances are he just isn’t into you. If he continually steers the topic of conversation towards the wants and needs of his ding-a-ling, chances are he just isn’t into you for anything else other than sex. At this point, you have 1 of 2 options. Dump the jerk faster than a bad habit, or continue to fool yourself thinking that sex will make him love you. (it never does from a guys point of view).
10. Survivor Man.
When it comes to females that I’m just not into, I try my hardest to not let them know where I live. Meeting my friends and family? Fugghedaboutit. Simply put: Let’s keep an amicable distance between us because I do not want you in my personal life.
There you have it. 10 signs that you can use to determine whether or not a guy is into you. Guys are not complicated and usually your first instinct is the right instinct. Don’t fool yourself, or waste any time/money/emotions on the guy. Move on and be the better person….
Even if you manage to change the guys mind, it will most likely be only for a while and even then you are just setting yourself up for future heartbreak. Just remember that you cannot fit a square peg into a round hole. If it wasn’t meant to work, then it wasn’t meant to work.