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Are you an older man dipping his toe into younger and less-seasoned waters? If so, read on to sail smoother seas and avoid relationship shipwreck.
It’s every older guy’s dream to have a young, beautiful little thing hanging off his arm on the way to dinner or another social function. But inter-generational relationships can be fraught with dangers, and most of these dangers come squarely down to one reason: poor management of expectations.
The older man in a relationship with a younger woman often struggles to correctly identify what it is that has attracted her in the first place. Consequently, trying to work out what preconception attracted her to you and acting upon your mistaken logic can actually have a negative effect.
Making the most of being an older man with a younger woman
The fact is, she fell for you, not a younger guy, and you have to play up your strengths without overcompensating or displaying any insecurities. If she’s dating an older man, there’s probably a reason, and the best you can do in this situation is make the most of what you have and who you are.
The following dos and don’ts should give you a better idea how to manage your position in your May-December relationship to your best advantage.
#1 DO show off your emotional maturity. One of the main reasons that she’s with you, and not with some stud of her own age, is that younger guys often don’t hit the emotional mark. They may have the bodies of demigods, but they can also have the emotional maturity of a walnut. Guys mature emotionally at a much slower rate than women and can easily get into their thirties with the emotional intelligence of a five-year-old. They laugh at fart and tit jokes–enough said.
So, take advantage of the younger guy’s failings. Show her how even-headed you are and how readily able you are to talk about your feelings in a calm and responsive manner. Show her that your maturity ensures that a relationship with you is a true emotional partnership, not a one-way street to toy town!
#2 DO show off your intellectual prowess. You don’t get to your later years without learning a thing or two. This doesn’t mean that you have to talk at length about quantum physics or sub-Saharan politics. The fact is, you have a rounded understanding of the world that reaches into a whole range of topics the younger man can’t even touch.
You have opinions that are considered and respected, and you have the confidence to deliver them; the younger man is limited to names and performances of his favorite sportsmen, while you can hold court upon any subject with ease. This is a strength that the younger woman admires and aspires to. Want to impress her? No better place to start than with your voice and mind.
#3 DO share your life experiences. You don’t have to be a daredevil stunt driver or extreme sports junkie to pick up some interesting experiences along the way. Time takes care of that. It may be people you’ve met, places you’ve been on holiday, or anything else that stands out from the normal array of day-to-day activities.
Sharing these things with the younger woman you have your eye upon will fascinate her, scintillate her, and keep her coming back for more–especially when her male peers struggle to find anything to talk about beyond frat parties and MTV. [Read: 10 spontaneous romantic moves men should try on a date]
#4 DO take an interest in her. Sadly, this is something that younger guys are really bad at. They will prattle on about themselves incessantly, until the woman they admire is ready to jump out of the nearest window in a last-ditch effort to escape. A conversation should be a two-way street with attempts to solicit information from the other person, and it should involve as much listening as talking–if not more.
This is another strength of the older man. His levels of empathy and patience have strengthened over time and will prove an invaluable tool in any attempt to woo the object of one’s desires. She will feel important and worthy of listening to, and will definitely be ready to take things a step further.
#5 DO let your fingers do the talking. If you’re lucky enough to progress the relationship to the bedroom, then you’re in a fantastic position to consolidate your superiority over the younger man. It is usually the case that the twentysomething male has a “jump straight in, genitals first and only” kind of approach. If he lasts more than the time it takes to cook an egg in his selfish efforts to reach a boiling point, then the woman can count herself lucky.
The older male, however, knows exactly what his hands, fingers, lips, and tongue are for, and knows when to use them. Use your sexual sophistication to give her what easily may be her first true orgasm, and have her begging to come back for more.
#6 DON’T try to buy her. Yes, you’re older, you probably have a better career than any of the younger guys she knows–and consequently, a lot more money. However, don’t try to take advantage of this fact to secure her affections. She may feel offended by your attempts to buy her, and you could end up pushing her away with no recourse.
Even worse, however, she may accept your cash-fueled advances–and is that really the kind of girl you want to be in a relationship with? Gold diggers do not make for a long and healthy relationship, and she may end up costing you a lot more than money. [Read: 7 date ideas men love but women actually hate]
#7 DON’T make her feel inferior. There may be a temptation for some older guys, with their wealth of experience and knowledge, to see themselves as superior to the girl they are trying to woo. Even if her experiences aren’t as grand as your own, don’t play them down. They might not mean much to you, but they do to her. [Read: 7 dumbest mistakes men make in relationships]
#8 DON’T listen to the rumors. People are a jealous bunch of creatures. There will be men and women both who take issue with your age gap and spread malicious rumors and gossip about you. However, we have already explained how symbiotic the relationship between an older man and younger woman is, and you certainly don’t need to listen to the nay-sayers. If you start listening to the rumors and let them put you off the relationship, shame on you.
#9 DON’T do a Travolta. Please, please, please resist the urge to start adopting young fashions in an effort to fit in with her age group. The fact is, you’ll never quite get it right, and you’ll probably just end up looking like some former 70s disco legend. Pathetic for you, and highly embarrassing for her. The trick is to aim for style over fashion. It suits your age, and whereas fashion is just for the season, style is eternal.
#10 DON’T try to be an athlete. Viagra and energy drinks consumed, you are determined to prove to her that age is no barrier to being an energetic love god. However, you’ll never compete with a younger man on that score, and to be perfectly honest, that isn’t what she wants from you, anyway.
She’s hoping for the benefit of years of experience and the sensitivity it imparts… not yet another high-speed genital intervention!
[Read: When do age differences matter in relationships?]
There’s so much about you, as an older man, that she is likely to be interested in. Using these tips, make the most of who you are, and wow her with your superior skills of seduction.
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