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First Online Dating Email Messages
So you send out 15 first messages a day to women who are “in your league” and get zero messages back. None. Nada. Zip.
Not even a polite email back saying, “No thanks, I’m not interested.”
It’s like you never existed. It’s frustrating, and worst of all demeaning. At least it is for me.
I recently sent out a good online dating email using the method I talk about in this post to a girl well within my “range”. Good looking but not killer hot, has similar values, works hard, from a middle class family… just like me.
And no response.
I begin to wonder “What’s wrong with me?” And that kind of thinking scares me, because I almost NEVER get frustrated over a woman. I mean I know what to say in an online dating message.
Well, I’m going to figure it out. I sent her another message yesterday, and when all this pans out, I’ll let you know what I learned from sending multiple emails to the same girl who didn’t respond. It’s pretty much my first time in 6 years I’ve done it.
But for now, what I really need to work on is my mindset. Because while I can’t control whether or not someone responds to me, I CAN control how I feel about it, and what I tell myself.
And I’m no different from anybody… I’m not above telling myself what I want to hear, deluding myself, and rationalizing to make myself feel better.
I just keep track of the bs I tell myself so that I don’t REALLY believe it. See, it keeps me positive and motivated until I find out what’s really going on and things start working the way they’re supposed to.
So, if you’re in the same boat as me here, and you’ve sent first messages to women you find online… only to get no reply, then you can tell yourself these things too.
In the meantime, I’ll find out why we aren’t getting messages back, especially when we make first contact.
So here’s some JT Pierce “facts” about the pool of women on the online dating sites, and how to justify it to myself when I don’t get an answer to my first online dating email:
#1. Above all, it’s not personal. She may be interested but seeing where things go with another guy. She might have been in a funky mood when she read my message. Maybe she’s really not interested.
#2. I know from my days in sales that you gotta expect a certain number of “No’s” before you get a “Yes”. Okay, so if I look at it like a numbers game, that means I have to get a baseline for what to expect. Like am I ‘supposed’ to be getting responses from 1 in 10 women, or 1 in 50?
Depending on the online dating site, free ones being the absolute worst for having women return your messages, I should expect to get a reply from about one in every 40 women I send a message to.
And I also know from my days in sales, and real life experience with online dating, that 20% of the guys are getting 80% of those replies. And the guys in the other 80% are getting only 20%.
So if you’re in the 20%, you MIGHT get a reply to 1 in every 400 messages. It really sucks to be in that 20%.
And for sure, based on these statistics, me and the guys I’ve been working with on sending first emails are WAY above average.
Overall we have sent (as of last week) messages to 209 women and 86 of them have replied to our emails using a the email templates I’m working on.
So we are getting about 1 in every 4 women to respond to our messages. Which puts us in that top 80%.
But it STILL irritates me that I send a message out to a girl who has nothing on me but doesn’t reply.
Sorry, I got on a tangent.
#3. She thinks I’m too good for her and is too intimidated to reply. Now, this one is totally delusional, but it makes me feel cool. And I suppose it COULD be true.
But really, if it’s not the timing of my email, reason she didn’t respond is probably because of something I did. Or something I said in my profile.
#4. Screw her, there’s more fish in the sea. This is pretty much like the last one, a kind of “sour grapes” thing and is just me being a baby. But, I’ll allow myself to think like this until I have a better answer and better results. You might as well too.
Those are the basics of what I tell myself when I don’t hear back from a girl I’ve sent an online dating message to. I’d love to hear yours. And if you want in on the testing phase where we are experimenting with different emails to send for your first message, then shoot me a quick email and I’ll set you up.
Next post I’m going to give you an online dating first message example email some guy sent to one of my fake women profiles. It’s really good! And once we test the ones I’m writing for me and other guys helping to beta test this, I’ll get those to you too.
Many of you probably already have my book on writing online dating profiles including how to write emails so that women give you their phone number in 2 messages and what to do if you (for some God-awful reason) have to initiate contact. If not, get over to this page and buy Magnetic Profiles right now.
Talk to you soon- JT