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Life coaches and motivational speakers have been around for centuries, inspiring by their work, expounding pearls of wisdom to the masses and helping heal communities. These coaches are similar to an athletic coach pushing his or her players in the last crucial moments of a championship game. In The Undefeated’s new The Motivational Speaker series, stories will spotlight several individuals who uplift others as either authors, trainers, social media vocalists or, most importantly, listeners.
A vast majority of us have been there.
The stunning reality of a failed relationship can cause us to become hurt and heartbroken, calloused and damaged. It’s something relationship and dating coach Stephan Labossiere has witnessed time and time again with clients, direct responses from fans and his own personal experiences. Instead of feeling helpless, Labossiere was determined to make a difference. In a career-changing decision, Labossiere became a popular relationship expert, amassing over 2 million followers across such social media platforms as @StephanSpeaks.
“One reason, of course, is God,” Labossiere said. “It’s just what God led me to do, and I never in a million years thought I would be doing this.”
Labossiere definitely was not into writing and hated it in high school and college. But he understood how real the struggle was for people hurting and how much toxic relationships affect society. In his words, “I’m just a guy trying to do what God wants me to do. My main message is: You need to heal. Everybody needs healing. It doesn’t matter what you’re dealing with, if you don’t let go of the past and negative energy, then you’re only going to hold yourself back.”
An author with an analytical mind …
Originally from Queens, New York, Labossiere was uprooted to Miami as the lone boy (also a twin) in a house with three sisters.
“My family is filled with women, so I’ve been around women all the time growing up,” the current Atlanta resident said.
Being surrounded by women during childhood proved to be advantageous, as most of Labossiere’s following is composed of women from across the world. Except for two books from his collection — How to Get a Woman to Have Sex with You If You’re a Husband (2011) and He Who Finds a Wife: A Man’s Guide to Finding the Woman & Love He Desires (2015) — Labossiere’s books are mostly consumed by a female audience.
“People assume, but I didn’t make my audience women,” Labossiere said. “It just worked out that way because that’s who kept coming back. Women were digesting the information and wanted more of it.”
As Labossiere’s career gained traction, the relationship coach decided to expand his reach by writing a book for single women. At the time, it would be called That’s the Problem with Single Women. Yet Labossiere, a techie with a degree in management information systems, had a difficult time trying to write about those perceived “problems.” Frustrated and in financial despair, he prayed and asked God for guidance. “What do you want me to do?” Upon receiving direction as to how his book should actually flow, Labossiere needed a refresher on the Book of Ruth, Boaz’s wife in the Bible, and finished writing God Where Is My Boaz? in two months. The 2013 publication is Labossiere’s most successful book.
“A lot of dating books are either very mainstream, very secular or so preachy that they are not really practical at all,” Labossiere said. “It’s just pray, pray, pray and some verses of Scripture and you’re good to go. But in this book, both sides are merged with a spiritual foundation and more practicality.”
“Fix your perception first.”
When Labossiere makes his points on social media, people listen and pay close attention to his online posts. His followers are either sharing, retweeting and/or liking quotes from one of his three relationship books. However, Labossiere is now eagerly looking forward to publishing a full-length version of a fourth book, 7 Things You Should Know for the Man God Has for You, which is currently available in short form as an e-book.
“This book is going to hit harder because God Where is My Boaz? was more of a foundational piece,” he said with passion. “7 Things You Should Know for the Man God Has for You will help break some things down as far as a lot of women getting caught up in the wrong situation and confusing things, such as ‘Is this guy from God?’ The first chapter, which I’m very passionate about, examines how people say there isn’t enough men in the world for every woman. I despise when any Christian or spiritual person says that, because you’re going to tell people God can give them whatever they want, but when it comes to relationships, he’s limited there? I wanted to address it once and for all. If you don’t believe it can happen, then it’s not going to happen. There are other subjects I touch on, but I feel really good about this book.”
Don’t expect Labossiere to sugarcoat the truth to make it easy for you to digest. He truly believes “it’s important for us to embrace taking action and knowing our part in producing the things we want in our lives.” But what is the identifying substance that sets his books aside from the countless other life-affirming, do this to fix that, ’cause I’m an expert cornucopia of relationship encyclopedias?
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“I’m going to tell you what you need to do, but I’m telling you with love and a genuine desire for you to win. I think once you understand if your energy is in the right place and you’re talking to someone correctly and present yourself in a proper manner, then they’re going to be more receptive to it.”
When asked about a favorite quote, Labossiere reflected on a Milton Berle meme he recently read: If opportunity doesn’t knock, create a door.
“I think too many people, especially Christians, are sitting back waiting for stuff to come to them and not understanding you’re supposed to go to it but with God’s guidance,” Labossiere said. “I’m not a biblical scholar, but the few times I’ve read the Bible, any story about someone getting great things, there was a process and things that person had to do. It wasn’t like he told Moses, ‘Just chill right here, I’m going to bring the promised land to you.’ No, you have to walk through all this and deal with xyz — and this is how you get there.”