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You don’t need to have all the answers to all the questions on your first date either. There is beauty in peeling back the layers and getting to know someone…

For many people, putting together a dating profile is the easy bit (although believe me, there are plenty who find this task nearly impossible). They even think that chatting in emails or on the phone isn’t so bad either but when it comes to actually going out on a date — the very reason they were online dating in the first place — this is where they panic. Seriously.

They worry they’ll get found out (whatever that means) or that they’ll get tongue-tied and have nothing to say. They fear they aren’t interesting and will bore their date, hence make a fool of themselves. These thoughts are actually real to them. But let me tell you something: it’s just thoughts, and your thoughts aren’t facts.

The fear is real, I get that, I’ve felt it many times! You are anxious and going out on a date with a relative stranger can feel awkward. Remember that your counterpart is likely to be as nervous as you though, even if they don’t look it!

As a coach I listen a lot more than I talk, it’s the nature of what I do. It’s also a strategy that works well if you find yourself nervous. People, on the whole, love talking about themselves. So, to take the pressure off, arm yourself with some great questions to ask your date.

Remember that genuine interest makes all the difference. You don’t need to have all the answers to all the questions on your first date either. There is beauty in peeling back the layers and getting to know someone, it’s something that really could end up taking a lifetime!

Here are 17 questions I’d love to have been asked when out on a date:

  1. What’s one thing you wish you’d known 20 years ago?
  2. What’s the best piece of advice you’ve ever been given?
  3. If you didn’t live where you currently live and you could choose anywhere in the world where would it be and why?
  4. Who’s your role model? Who inspires you?
  5. Who’s your best friend and what do you love about him/her?
  6. What are you reading at the moment?
  7. What’s your favourite way to spend the weekend?
  8. What do you do for fun?
  9. What was the last film you watched that moved you/made you laugh out loud/inspired you?
  10. Who has had the greatest influence on your life so far? (Parent/grandparent/schoolteacher/boss/colleague?)
  11. What are 5 things you couldn’t do without? (Not oxygen, water, world peace! They might be things you carry in your handbag/purse at all times!)
  12. What’s your dream job if you’re not currently doing it?
  13. Where do you go when you want to feel calm/happy/peaceful?
  14. Tell me something about yourself that might surprise me.
  15. What’s your proudest moment in your life so far?
  16. If you had 24 hours to do whatever you liked in your city what would you spend it doing?
  17. What’s the greatest risk you’ve ever taken?

Follow Rebecca Perkins on Twitter @themidlifecoach

https://soulmates.theguardian.com/blog/dating/17-questions-to-ask-a-woman-on-a-date